Kids Need to Know Their Parents, But Safety First

[Supervised Visitation]

Dear Nancy and Sid,

I’ve had some problems in the past and my kids’ other parent fears I’ll hurt them. The judge wants someone to supervise me while she decides what to do. I need to see my kids. -- Michael

Dear Nancy and Sid,

I’m so afraid their other parent is going to hurt my kids, how will the judge know whether the children will be safe? – The ‘good’ parent

Dear parents,

Sometimes an Integrated Domestic Violence or Family Court judge will want a program where a trained supervisor can ensure the child is safe and he can get a report on the interaction between the non-custodial parent and the children. There’s such a supervised program a judge may require a parent to attend at NYCID.

Dear Nancy and Sid,

I’ve just discovered that an old girlfriend had a baby and the paternity testing proves it’s mine. I’m prepared to be a father, but I’ve never met the child and the mother doesn’t trust me. How can I get to know my child in a place that the mother will feel is safe? –An unexpected father

Dear unexpected father,
Sometimes parents feel more secure when someone can supervise them when they’re establishing or re-establishing a relationship with their children. You may want to talk to a social worker about whether this program would be helpful to you.

You can read more about Supervised Visitation here.

As a parent I'm trying to keep lots of balls in the air

[parenting issues - scroll down to read the letters and responses]

[NYCID's after school programs]

Dear Nancy and Sid,

Being a parent isn’t easy these days. I need a place where my kids will have a good time after school and get help with their homework. Any suggestions? – A working parent

Dear Working Parent,

You can look at several possibilities depending on their age, location, and resources. If they are in elementary school, try  one of these programs: 

• Staten Island School for Civic Leadership where NYCID runs both an after school program and a summer camp there.
• PS 30 where we offer a fee-for-service after-school program 
• PS 21

If you have a high school student who can benefit from an after school program consider the NYCID Advantage programs:

• Port Richmond HighSchool
• McKee High School

[Parenting Workshops]

Dear Nancy and Sid,

My spouse and I are separating and the judge says we each have to attend a parenting workshop at the NY Center. Is this going to be a waste of my time? What does he think I can learn? – Annoyed Parent

Dear Annoyed,

Here’s what judges have learned and why they may require you to attend an ACT Assisting Children Through Transition  parenting class. 

One participant’s child told him, “I can see a big difference. They can talk to each other now without yelling. That helps a lot. My stomach doesn’t hurt as much and I can concentrate better in school”and here’s what a parent said, “This program changed our lives. It gave us all a new direction…one of hope and healing. I see too many people oozing with anger…I don’t want to go there anymore.” This judge knows that every parent going through a separation needs to focus on how to help their kids cope. 

Believe us, it won’t be a waste of your time. Read more about this ACT workshop here.

Dear Nancy and Sid,

I never thought my teenager would be so difficult to deal with. Home is getting to be a warzone. It’s a problem for us all, and he used to be such a nice little kid. Now he just doesn’t listen to us. What can we do? – Miserable Mama

[raising adolescents]

Dear Miserable Mama,

Adolescents everywhere battle with their parents, but you and your family can learn to “fight better” through our family mediation program. Check it out. Everyone wins.

[custody and visitation plans]

Dear Nancy and Sid,

My kids’ other parent and I are fighting over custody and visits, but I don’t want some judge deciding what we have to do. Is there another way? – Robert

Dear Robert,

You and your co-parent will be raising your children for many years, so you’re wise to want to solve these issues together yourself.

NYCID’s conflict resolution staff can help you work together to develop a custody and visitation plan that works for you both and learn how to renegotiate that plan as life changes. You can bring your agreed upon plan to the judge.

Give us a call at 718-815-4557 to learn about developing your own joint plan that you can bring to the judge. 

Read more about getting help to work out the best parenting plans on the conflict resolution page.