Learn to Mediate

[training workshops]

Dear Nancy and Sid,

I’d like to learn how to help people resolve their conflicts and disputes and I think it would be great to try out mediation as a new job or career. Can I volunteer in order to get some experience? – Glenn

Dear Nancy and Sid,

I’d like to expand my practice into custody, visitation, and divorce mediation. Do you offer that training? – Kathryn

Dear Glenn and Kathryn,

Yes, you can take courses to master conflict resolution skills, concepts and strategies through the NY Center’s Training Institute. Here’s some feedback from our participants:

     "There are many walking time-bombs in both my career and my neighborhood.  If this 4 day session helps me de-fuse even one, it was well worth the time and price"

     "I would highly recommend this training for any attorney ~ whether you are interested in mediation or not.  The communication skills will make me a more effective fact gatherer from my clients, a more effective negotiator with my adversaries and a more effective advocate before tribunals of every kind.  For the practitioner ~ either as mediator or advocate ~ this training is indispensable.”

We offer professional and customized workshops. All are interactive and experiential. And, the feedback from our participants has been outstanding. To learn more about our mediation workshops click here.

The New York Center Training Institute

Worried about how well you and/or your staff communicate with clients or each other? 
 

Improve your skills by participating in one of our workshops.

If you or your organization want to strengthen your communication or conflict resolution skills, consider a public or customized workshop from the New York Center for Interpersonal Development (NYCID) Training Institute.

NYCID provides training and consulting services to businesses, organizations, not-for-profit institutions, associations, community groups and individuals. Our basic and advanced mediation training programs are approved by the Unified Court System and eligible for continuing education credits for several professional disciplines, including CLE credits.

Our menu of seminars and workshops includes:

• Conflict Resolution
• Managing Anger and Strong Emotions
• Valuing Diversity
• Communication Skills

Our mediation training includes:

• Basic Mediation
• Divorce Mediation
• Child Custody and Visitation
• Parent Teen Mediation
• Other specialty mediation seminars and workshops

Additional services available include:

• Customized workshops designed with you to address your organizational or departmental communication needs
• Dispute Resolution Services for all types of conflicts (organizational, business, workplace, family, elder care) Negotiation, Mediation & Arbitration
• Group & Meeting Facilitation
• Conflict Management Design

To schedule a training or to learn more about our services, please contact Sequoia Stalder, Director of the NYCID Training Institute at sstalder@nycid.org or 718-815-4557.

Congratulations to Liz Bonici, our new Assistant Director of Conflict Resolution Services

Friends and Colleagues:

Please join me in congratulating Liz Bonici on her recent promotion to Assistant Director of Conflict Resolution Services. As many of you know, Liz has been instrumental in supporting the growth and continued success of the CDRC over the past few years. Liz has taken on a supervisory role for our part time staff and interns, in addition to her role as the coordinator of our volunteer mediator roster.  She has also been instrumental in NYCID attaining accredited provider status for Continuing Legal Education credits (CLE) for both New York and New Jersey as well as accreditation as a Part 146 mediation training provider under recently enacted New York State Court rules. More broadly, her efforts have contributed to the growth of many of our programmatic and training initiatives and to creating a thriving and robust mediator community here at NYCID.

Beyond her specific recent achievements, Liz is a talented mediator, dedicated mentor and  gifted administrator. She continues to bring her professionalism, expertise, generosity and warmth of spirit to her work with both parties and colleagues. We look forward to our continued work together.

Once again, congratulations!

Warm Regards,

Sequoia

Sequoia Stalder, Esq.

Director of Conflict Resolution Services

New York Center for Interpersonal Development

Fairly Legal?

Recently, USA Network premiered a new original show, "Fairly Legal," that features a mediator as the main character. The show has been a hot topic of conversation in the Alternative Dispute Resolution world, garnering both praise for highlighting the field and criticism for being too flashy.

We tend to take the "any press is good press" approach to it, and believe that it is a good way to shed some light on the powerful work we do here every day.

Have you watched it? We'd love to know what you think, and are happy to answer any questions you may have about mediation and alternative dispute resolution. We'll post answers to your questions in our next issue, along with feedback from our staff and volunteer mediators.

You can also take the show's quiz (click on the image below) and let us know what result you get. We'd really like to hear from our volunteer mediators on this one.

(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding

The recent tragedy in Tucson, AZ, has brought to the surface some important questions about how we, as a society, communicate with people who have different viewpoints from our own. I know it's made me think about how I communicate with friends and associates that have different beliefs than I do.

We all have been guilty of it in one form or another – name calling; believing we are right and anyone who disagrees with us is wrong; using violent language or imagery, etc. Our intent may be harmless but the impact is anything but. It doesn’t take long to think of a few recent examples, whether it was an elected official responding in a hostile way to a constituent they didn’t agree with, the person who was upset by the bipartisan seating at the State of the Union address or one of the usual suspects that comment negatively on any given story posted on SILive.com.

How did we get to this point? While thinking about it, the following lyrics came to mind:

“As I walk through this wicked world searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity. I ask myself, ‘Is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?’” – Elvis Costello

I admit to being too cynical at times, and often find myself questioning whether things will really get better, and if people can behave more compassionately toward one another.

I think it is possible, if we make a conscious effort to think before we speak, pause before we act and try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes.

One of our board members recently told me about the following clip, and I encourage all of you to watch it. In this video, Elizabeth Lesser, co-founder of Omega Institute (the largest lifelong learning center focusing on health, wellness, spirituality, creativity and social change in the U.S.) suggests an interesting concept: taking “the other” to lunch. She offers some guidelines, and talks about her own experience going to lunch with someone whose viewpoints are radically different than her own.

I plan on trying it – will you?

-- Amy Lavelle, Development Associate

Co-Parents Need To Learn How To Share

Reprinted from the SI Advance.

Co-parents need to learn how to share
By: Elise G. McIntosh

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. -- Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s — they can be a landmine for co-parents to navigate. Just-divorced exes, not yet settled into a co-parenting groove, especially may struggle with ironing out who will get the kids during the holidays and other issues that crop up.

Sequoia Stalder and Cara Raich, partners at Stalder Raich, a Manhattan-based family and divorce mediation firm, say the key to co-parenting during the holiday season — anytime, really — is plenty of planning and communication.

Stalder, who also serves as the director of Conflict Resolution Services at New York Center for Interpersonal Development in St. George, suggests co-parents speak about the holidays well in advance so everyone — including the kids — has clear expectations about what’s going to happen on those days.

When making arrangements, he suggested co-parents have the conversation close enough to the holiday to have a realistic idea about plans but far enough to make modifications, if need be.

“It differs for each family,” he said, but generally planning six to eight weeks before the holiday works well.

Stalder also said having a yearly holiday plan in place — while still remaining flexible for the surprises that inevitably come up — can help reduce stress and aggravation.

Ms. Raich noted many co-parents they have counseled alternate having the children for the holidays.

Each family has to decide which method works best for them, but one system that works well is switching according to the calendar year. For instance, Dad gets the kids for Christmas during years that end in even numbers while Mom has them during odd-numbered years.

Ms. Raich says it also is helpful for co-parents to view the holidays as a block of time that can be divided up. Christmas, for example, may be broken up into eve, morning and night, giving kids the opportunity to spend a portion of the holiday with both Mom and Dad.

Co-parents also should discuss the logistics of picking up and dropping off the children during the planning stages, said Ms. Raich.

“Be as specific as you can,” she said, explaining, “Discussing the small details can help in diffusing conflict.”

Flexibility and a forgiving attitude also go a long way. If your ex is late or suddenly makes a change to the plans, “try not to access the angry place first,” said Ms. Raich.

Rather, she encourages an ex-spouse to see it from his/her co-parent’s perspective and try to understand why he or she needed to revise the plan.

When picking up/dropping off the kids to/from a holiday celebration, avoid having an involved conversation with your ex.

“This is not the time to have a substantial talk,” Ms. Raich said.

Stalder said co-parents need to be mindful of their communication. If a hostile tone starts creeping into the conversation, make sure the kids aren’t within earshot.

“You don’t want to expose them to your conflict,” he explained, noting it can do damage, emotionally.

To avoid getting into a heated discussion, Stalder recommends “I” messages.

“Focus on your feelings versus accusations,” he said. “Really try to express what’s important to you rather than blaming the other side.”

If tensions between you and your ex continue to flare, it may be prudent to have a consultation with a mediator like Stalder and Ms. Raich, who work with co-parents in reaching mutually beneficial solutions.

The New York Center for Interpersonal Development also has a family mediation program that helps divorcing spouses deal with custody and visitation issues. The services are free to Staten Islanders. To learn more, call (718) 815-4557 and ask for the Mediation Center or visit nycid.org.

SI Business Trends Highlight Commercial Mediation at NYCID

Thanks to Staten Island Business Trends. They recently published a piece on NYCID's commercial mediation services.

For those unaware of this service, for disputes involving up to $25,000, mediation is free. For disputes involving more than $25,000, the first two hours are free; after that the mediation is provided at a reduced rate of $100 per hour.

For more information, call David Ramsey at (718) 947-4035 or e-mail dramsey@nycid.org.

Learning to Manage Conflict

SISCL AP Donna Nilsen, Myles Williams, Harold Gibson, Cheolieces Shannon, Ervin Gaskin, SISCL Principal Rose Kerr, Jennifer Gutierrez, Nia Salce, Tasheé Fulmore and NYCID Training Institute Manager Regina Shields.

On June 16, the Staten Island School of Civic Leadership (SISCL) completed the New York Center for Interpersonal Development’s Peace Power workshop series. Over the course of the spring semester, NYCID’s Training Institute lead 8 first grade and 10 sixth grade students in 8 weeks of after-school sessions focusing on conflict resolution, positive communication and anger management concepts and techniques.

The lessons learned in these workshops concentrated on understanding the nature of conflict and the personal feelings and reactions that we all experience in a conflict situation. A guiding principle of Peace Power is that once an individual has greater self awareness, is able to grasp the positive outcomes that may arise from a dispute and becomes skilled in constructive communication techniques, they can empower themselves to make more productive choices towards resolving conflict in a mutually beneficial manner. 

After the first 8 weeks of the program were completed in late April, 7 of the sixth grade students elected to continue on for another 6 weeks of intensive training to become peer mediators. SISCL hopes to launch a full school-based Peer Mediation program in the fall.

The approaches and principles emphasized by the Peace Power and Peer Mediation programs fit in well with SISCL’s mission to develop student leaders who are invested in the public good and the success of the community as a whole. A ceremony celebrating the students’ achievements was held on the last day of group, with students stating that they were eager to come back in the fall and participate in their school’s mediation and civic leadership program.

Mediating Landlord/Tenant Disputes

Your opportunity to learn about mediation and housing

David Ramsey, Associate Mediation Manager at the NY Center for Interpersonal Development will present a program open to the public for the Staten Island Housing Court Task Force.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

5:00 -7:00 pm

David's presentation will include:

• How to use mediation to resolve landlord/tenant disputes outside of Housing Court
• Choices you have during mediation, in and out of court
• Other types of disputes mediation can resolve
• More...including all your questions

Location: Seamen's Society for Children & Families

50 Bay Street, Staten Island, NY 10301

RSVP Mahkeddah

Updates from the NY Center Training Institute

How do we keep busy at the Training Institute? Here are a few of the things we've been up to lately.

On September 1^st & 2^nd , Sequoia Stalder, Director of the CDRC & the Training Institute, trained 15 staff members from Olympus Academy, the transfer high school NYCID operates in collaboration with the DOE, in conflict resolution techniques. Participants gave the training high marks. One advocate counselor stated, “ I feel as though my classroom management skills will be improved with this knowledge”. All staff were very enthusiastic about using these conflict resolution skills back at school with their students.

In July 2009, The Training Institute lead two work readiness workshops with 17 Olympus Academy students, helping them to be successful in their summer jobs by learning new communication, time management and decision making skills.]

Since July 2008, 200 parents have attended the Parent ACT Class – Assisting Children through Transition. This is a 6-hour state mandated class where parents who are going through a divorce or separation learn new skills to manage conflict and support their children through this challenging period. Parents have stated that attending this class has given them hope and a new way to look at their difficult situation. Classes are taught monthly and advance registration is required. Our schedule for the remainder of 2009 is: September 26, October 14 & 21, November 14, December 1 and 8. The 2010 class schedule will be announced shortly.

In June 2009, the Training Institute completed their first school year of working with the Gaynor McCown Expeditionary Learning High School, training staff and students to conduct and manage a Peer Mediation program. The Training Institute provided over 50 hours of trainings, support sessions and skill-building workshops to 16 students and 6 staff members over the 2008 – 2009 school year. McCown High School is a new school on Staten Island, which opened its doors in August 2008.

In August 2009, the Training Institute Collaborated with Safe Horizon to provide leadership workshops to students in the Relationship Abuse Prevention Program (RAPP) at Truman & Lehman High Schools in the Bronx.

Over the course of the 2008 – 2009 school year, the Training Institute provided the McKee High School staff & students with the following Workshop Series: Peer-To-Peer Public Speaking Program & Peace Power Conflict Resolution Workshops for peer mediators; Peace Power Conflict Resolution Workshops for students in jeopardy of truancy, detention and suspension.

If you are interested in having the NY Center Training Institute customize training for your school or organization, contact Regina Shields.

Catch Renowned Mediator and Author, Kenneth Cloke, in New York City!

Don’t Miss This Opportunity.

Where: Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law
When: June 14, 2007 from 1:30PM-5:30PM

The Crossroads of Conflict - A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resoltuion
Training with Kenneth Cloke

Presented by the New York State Dispute Resolution Association

One of the greatest challenges facing mediation is how to wed seemingly divergent process styles, and a wide range of areas of practice and supportive disciplines. Join Kenneth Cloke as he leads you through an intensive training exploring the hidden unities that connect the many diverse mediation practices.Participants will learn the fundamental reasons for adopting a holistic, pluralistic and eclectic approach to mediation styles, and develop the ability to utilize each as the circumstances warrant. Dr. Cloke will guide participants towards synthesizing and integrating the full array of methods, practices, models and theories into an internally consistent set of linked tools. Training attendees will develop new ways of understanding and transforming the chaos and developing the mindfulness demanded by challenging mediations. They will gain a diverse set of tools draw from different disciplines and styles, which will enhance their practices.

Networking and Wine Reception at the Manor: 6:00PM-7:30PMF
ollowing Dr. Cloke's training, we invite you to join us at The Manor at 73 8th Avenue for wine, hors d’ oeuvres and refreshments. This is a great opportunity to network with Dr. Cloke, other ADR professionals and enjoy an evening out with friends and colleagues.Kenneth Cloke’s daily work over the last twenty-five years has been as a mediator, arbitrator, judge, teacher, trainer, coach, and speaker on a wide range of conflict resolution issues, both nationally and internationally. During that time he has worked with thousands of people in conflict, including doctors and nurses, supervisors and employees, divorcing couples, teachers and school administrators, labor and management, lawyers and clients, parents and children, neighbors, community activists and political leaders, siblings with deceased parents, home buyers and sellers and people who commit crimes and their victims. Dr. Cloke is the Director of the Center for Dispute Resolution in Santa Monica , California . He is a nationally and internationally recognized speaker and leader in the field of conflict resolution, consultant to hundreds of Fortune 500 companies, and a published author of many journal articles and several books. Dr. Cloke is currently an adjunct professor of law at Pepperdine University School of Law.

Pricing (6/14)
$95 - Members (NYSDRA or ACRGNY) and CDRC staff/volunteers (reception included)
$115 - Non Members (reception included)
$25 - Networking reception only


Register now online at:http://nysdra.kintera.org/kennethcloke

ACR Greater New York’s Annual Conference
June 15, 2007 from 8:30AM-5:30PM
Finding Quality: Promoting Excellence in Dispute Resolution

Dr. Cloke will as be featured as the Keynote luncheon speaker during ACR Greater New York’s Annual Conference on June 15, 2007. The conference will feature 15 workshops throughout the day, morning plenary session on mediator accreditation, luncheon keynote presentation, ADR Achievement award presentation honoring Theodore A. Levine and Safe Horizon Mediation Program and a networking wine reception following the conference.

Visit Conference Home Page(pricing, workshop details and registration)

Being Reflective - Recent Statistics

In the Dispute Resolution field, whether as a mediator, negotiatior or other conflict engager, it is always important to reflect on our practice and to debrief after action.

Recently, the Community Mediation Program had the opportunity to examine the work that it has done and found a few noteworthy points about our practice.

· 88% of all complaints are appropriate for mediation

· 91% of all scheduled mediations are held

· 87% of all sessions held achieve resolution

In addition, we found the follwing about the past year's worth of service:

· The Small Claims Pilot Program increased direct services within Civil Court by 200%.

· $878,491.72 was awarded, entered into judgment or restitution paid through dispute resolution services. (March 2006-2007)

· The Supervised Visitation Program provided a total of 12,816 direct client contact hours to 43 families. (September 2004 to December 2006)

· Participants in the Assisting Children Through Transition (ACT) Parent Education Program said,

o 81% of parents indicated a greater understanding of how children are affected by the break up or divorce; and

o 89% stated that they learned valuable ways to help strengthen their relationship with their children

For more informatio about any of these programs, contact us at 718-815-4557. We look forward to working with you.

When Parents and Teens Have Problems

When a problem arises ...

Don’t ignore it! And, don’t fan the flames!

Sit down together.

Think before reacting.

Listen to your teenager: to understand, not to respond.

Reflect on your own role in this conflict.

Think about what you really want and need,

not what you are “out to get.”

Look for common concerns.

Focus on the future, not the past.

Work it out.

Make your home a
more comfortable place.

Try Parent/Teen Mediation—It Works!

For more information on Parent/Teen Mediation contact Liz Bonici at (718) 947-4036

Learning what to do when your Landlord Tenant relationship goes south....

Each week, we receive inquiries from individuals who are having major problems in their landlord tenant relationship. Issues include unpaid rent, lack of repairs, breakdown in communication. Unfortunately, many most people don't approach these issues in a cooperative way, but rather avoid, stonewall or harass, thereby escalating the conflict. Part of the reason is false assumptions about what rights landlords and tenants possess in New York State.

If this describes YOU, consider attending a free Seminar put on by the Unified Court System on "Tenant Rights and Responsibilities", April 25th, from 1 to 2 pm at Richmond County Civil Court. Click here for more information.

Please remember that mediation is also an option to assist resolving landlord tenant disputes and as a process provides parties in dispute with much more control of the process and the outcome. For example, when a mediation occurs - at a time determined by the party, including during weekday evenings.

Interested in knowing more, please contact us at 718-947-4037 to request mediation.

Since when is changing your mind a bad thing?

Diane Levin has an interesting post over at her Online Guide to Mediation Blog-

"There is no greater insult in America today than 'flip-flopper', a label anyone with political ambitions is eager to avoid. It's as if the act of changing one's mind as the result of reasoned self-reflection is somehow as shameful, as, say, lying about sex with an intern, rather than a mark of maturity and character.

Certainly anyone who changes their views with the prevailing wind as a matter of political expediency deserves our condemnation, as do those who fail to keep their promises, both political and otherwise.

But as a mediator I have to ask, what's so great about consistency anyway? If you're going in the wrong direction, what's the problem with heading in a better one? When exactly did it get to be a bad thing... Read more at Online Guide to Mediation: Since when is changing your mind a bad thing?:

Photo by Patrick Boury

Mediating the Aftermath of Terri Schiavo’s Death

Douglas Noll wrote a thought provoking article about the family conflicts over treating Terry Schiavo for Mediate.com

"Terri Schiavo’s death has dropped from the news. For the family, the news trucks, interviews, and spotlights have been turned off, but the hostility, anger, and unresolved conflict must remain. Considering the 12 year conflict played out in the courts, the Florida legislature, the United States Congress and the White House, could reconciliation between the family members be possible? As a peacemaker, I think so. I also believe that until the family reconciles, personal healing will be very difficult."

Read more: Mediating the Aftermath of Terri Schiavo’s Death:
What do you think?

Divorce is Painful Enough, Why Litigate?

Stop Dwelling on Blame & Conflict & Try Something New:

Consider Mediating Your Divorce...

Divorce Mediation is a confidential, informal dispute resolution process in which an impartial, third party mediator facilitates the discussion between the separating couple.

The mediator will help them:
o Identify the issues
o Reduce misunderstandings
o Clarify priorities
o Explore areas of compromise
o Find points of agreement

Mediation helps the parties
o Preserve relationships
o Avoid win-lose decisions
o Deal with multiple issues
o Maintain control over the process and its outcomes

Parties report high satisfaction because mediation
√ Deals with issues people feel are important
√ Allows people to be heard and participate fully
√ Increases their ability to understand and communicate with each other
√ Promotes the best interests of the children
√ Results in higher compliance
√ Reduces the monetary and emotional costs
√ Leads to speedier settlements

For more information call (718) 815-4557, and ask for the Mediation Department.

How Mediation Compares to Litigation: One State’s Experience

The results of a twelve-year Virginia study were astounding. The authors not only concluded that on average parents preferred mediation to adversary settlement and that mediation produces higher levels of satisfaction than the adversarial process, but also that parents who initially were unable to come to decisions on their own were able to cooperate for their children in the long run.

The study looked at parents who were unable to cooperate regarding custody decisions and petitioned a Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court in Virginia for a custody hearing. They were offered either mediation or the traditional adversary process. They were not given a choice. A sample set of thirty five mediation families and thirty six litigation families was established.

This was a true experimental design in which the parties were randomly assigned alternative conditions to overcome the likelihood that the more naturally cooperative parties would chose mediation over litigation.

The results?

The mediation group experienced significant benefits:

• Parents who mediated settled their disputes in half the time

• Parents in mediation were 80% more likely to make all decisions without a third party decision-maker.

• When unable to make all full agreements in mediation, many parties still settled out of court.

• Parents were more satisfied at three study points after agreement was reached: 6 weeks the initial settlement, 1 ½ years later, and 12 years later.

Long-term family relationships and psychological adjustment were better in the mediation group:

The study found that an average of 5 hours of mediation resulted in several significant differences in the amount of parent child contact over a period of 12 years.

• 30% of non-residential parents saw children once a week or more vs. 9 % of those in the adversary group

• 54% of non-resident parents spoke to their children once a week vs. 11% of those in the adversary group

These findings are published in the article, "Divorce Mediation: Research and Reflections" by Robert Emery, et. al., in Family Court Review, Vol. 43., pp. 22-37, (2005).

For more information about mediation services for divorce, please contact Sequoia Stalder, Esq., at (718) 947-4038.

Mediation Challenges

Found on the SCMA Blog: right charles fincher of lawcomix.com

If You Want a Private Divorce, Mediate

Tiffany Enterprise offers one approach to divorce. Mediation another. If you're interested in privacy, though, you should embrace mediation. This posting from Online California Divorce - Diamonds & Pearls of Wisdom Blog - Divorce Wizards explains:

"Privacy in Mediation
One of the points that Mari [Frank] emphasized is the privacy of mediation. There is no other way to get divorced that protects your privacy as well as mediation. In divorce litigation, every word is public record. Financial records are disclosed in the process and many personal and intimate details of people's lives become part of a court public record."

Photo by Monday Morning Photography